Quite a few chicas (including me) are bitter towards their baby's father to some degree, for various reasons. Maybe he isn't taking care of his financially responsibility - maybe he left you high and dry while you were preg and now wants to show up to interrupt your child's life after you've been raising him by yourself all these years - maybe he was with his new girlfriend while you were giving birth - or maybe he is just an @$$hole for a billion other reasons. I will admit I have had not one positive thought regarding my child's father in a very long time. In fact, I have had some thoughts that I am ashamed of even repeating - LOL. How do we get past that unhealthy bitterness towards him for the sake of our own happiness and peace of mind?
Sometimes we are forced to become single parents for whatever reason but other times we choose to raise our children alone and even prefer it that way...is that selfish? Back in the day when a woman became "in the family way", she could fully expect the baby's father to "do the right thing" and marry her. There was no question about it and neither party was concerned with with whether or not love was in the mix. Heck, liking each other wasnt much of a requirement either! The only focus was on creating a two-parent household for the baby. Well let's just say in this day and time things are quite a bit different. Being a single parent is no longer taboo. In fact it seems to be the norm. Of all my acquaintances that have children only a few are married or in the same house with the child's father (or mother because I know several single dads as well.) I grew up in a two-parent household...I hope I'm not short-changing my daughter by not staying in a relationship with her father even though that relationship was toxic. One of my married guy friends claims to be miserable with his wife...they barely even speak but they are forcing themselves to stay together for the sake of their child. Can't children sense when things just are not "right?" Wouldn't it be better to raise a child in an environment where there is harmony?
When you become a mommy you must put selfishness aside and act in the best interest of your child. Sometimes doing so is easier said than done (especially when your child's father was far less than supportive during your last month of pregnancy because he was too busy getting to know his new girlfriend...but I digress!) It is your job as a parent to put your child's needs ahead of your own. The bottom line is children need their fathers. Unless he is psycho crazy, dangerous, or unfit - allow him to have a healthy relationship with the child. Your baby deserves to feel the love from both parents. If you can't seem to get along with him then allow a mutual friend you both trust or a family member to play the middle man. If necessary, allow a judge to set a court-ordered visitation schedule you both must stick to. If it will simplify your life while still serving the purpose of allowing your child to have a relationship with both parents I say go for it.
So, as a first-time mom everyone tells you while you are preg "you better sleep now because you will get NO sleep once that baby gets here!" Or something similar. Right? I used to hate hearing that!! Well.....while it is an exaggeration in most cases, sleep will definitely never be the same again! At least not for a loooong time. My lil' one is 3 months and I am now getting about 4 to 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep and loving it!!!! Its amazing though how we just get used to not getting the best quality of sleep...like even when it seems the little "angel" is waking every hour or two, it eventually becomes normal for us. We also MUST get used to multitasking! There's no way around it. I've discovered all sorts of things I can now do with one hand. What I still have not gotten used to is how heavy that car seat is! OMG! My right arm is gonna be ripped while my left stays flabby LOL.
Like many women before me, I never envisioned I would be someone's "baby's mama" - yet my careless ways caused me to get knocked up at age 29 (by a man I wasn't so sure I wanted to be with for the long haul) and to become a single parent at age 30. I love my 3 month old baby girl to pieces!!! I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world with her bald-headed self :oD. But truth be told, being a single parent is not something most people aspire to become including myself. And certainly having to deal with someone you refer to (despite all your attempts to avoid this title...you find it is to-the-point and the most accurate seeing as though you no longer have a romantic relationship with this person) as "my baby's daddy" is less than ideal. Still, if you find yourself in this situation, embrace it and focus on the beauty of it all which is your child(ren) of course! As much as you hate it (it sounds SO negative doesn't it?), some folks are gonna refer to you as so and so's baby mama...don't focus on that. Whatever you are called or call yourself, focus on being a GREAT mama! Laters!
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